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Losing Your Best Friend

Losing Your Best Friend

Maryanne and I met when we were 27 at our sons’ school. We had a lot in common: both single mums with a son and loved to play netball. We were inseparable from the get go and it turned into a beautiful friendship.

We loved to holiday together, or even do something simple like grab a coffee or go for a walk but no matter what, we had a blast. She was my rock when my ex-husband passed away a day before his birthday. She babysit my son and went above and beyond for me every single day. We could chat about anything and I could call her or drop around whenever I felt like. It was the most amazing friendship I’d ever had and it was perfect until the 2nd of July, 2013.

I got a call on my mobile about 7am from Maryanne. She wasn’t her usual chirpy self – she was worried. She told me to come around and take her to the doctor. I of course drove straight to her house around the corner and she raced out to me. She looked forlorn and I asked what was wrong. She said she had been vomiting blood for around 24 hours and was scared. She also confided in me that she had a stomach ache for about a month but just thought it was stress related (her son had a car accident – nothing serious). We went to the doctor and he said we needed to go straight to the hospital for x-rays.

We waited for a couple of hours to see the radiologist and by that stage, Maryanne had vomited another three times. I’d never seen her look that ill and it made me feel sick to my stomach. She was a beautiful, strong woman but seeing her cry and moan as I held her hair and gave her water as she threw up blood and bile was just the opposite of anything I’d known. The radiologist did the x-rays and conferred with another specialist before telling Maryanne the results would be passed onto her doctor. It was less than a day before the doctor rang to tell her to come in urgently. We knew it was bad and a frail Maryanne could hardly hide her nervousness. The doctor confirmed our worst fears: Maryanne had stomach cancer, stage 4. The chances of survival were low and she would need to start chemo immediately. The tumour was the size of a halved tennis ball. Maryanne didn’t cry, she didn’t speak. She just gazed at the floor and nodded. I asked, “Could we have known about this sooner?” but the doctor said that stomach cancer can go undiagnosed for years, only to be advanced when found.

We went home and we spoke about it in length. Maryanne knew she wanted to be positive about it and make the most of her life. She read up on stomach cancer and began chemotherapy. I was there at as many sessions as I could be. She never looked like that sad and forlorn woman again, she bounced back and although she was thin, she could still smile and be a role model for her son. Sadly, the chemotherapy wasn’t as effective as they hoped and Maryanne’s cancer had spread to her liver. She had a 5 per cent chance of surviving another 6 months.

And then, like a flash, she was gone. It wasn’t even a year after her diagnosis that we lost her. On the 27th June 2014, Heaven got another angel, my friend Maryanne. She was my soul mate and the one I turned to for everything. Even when she was weak and sick from her chemo, she would visit with flowers and listen to whatever I had to say. She didn’t want to talk about her cancer, she wanted to live. I had a beautiful friendship that I will cherish forever but I can’t deny the hole that has been left. I wake up every morning hoping to see her walking up the front steps and wish I could talk to her about how hard it is. But I can feel her giving me strength and love to carry on. I still have my son and hers and I need to be their mum too.

Losing your best friend is hard but you will get through it. I’m comforted by knowing one day we will see each other again up there.

 

Have you lost a special friend? How did you move on and find happiness again? Share your stories below.

 
The following article was posted by our friends at Starts At Sixty, an online community for active over 60s.
 

7 Comments

  1. Anita

    So sorry. I lost my husband to stomach cancer. He died exactly one month after maryanne. I am still struggling. We have been together for 20 years. I think of him every minute of the day. Many nights, i just cry out loud while pacing in the apartment until i collapse. I have lost the will to live. Death is constantly on my mind. I missed the human touch and the conversation we have every night. I am socially isolated and fear of building new friendship.

    1. Marcie Rogo

      Dear Anita,
      Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. It helps so much to know that other people out there are all going through the same thing, and can help and inspire each other. If and when you feel comfortable, we would love to help you reduce your isolation. Stitch is safe, and we are here for you whenever you’re ready.
      Marcie

    2. Deena

      Anita, you are not alone. I too lost my husband of 35 years one year ago and I ache every day. I keep trying to go forward because he was not a quitter and would not want me to be one. I keep moving forward so he can be proud of me that I am.
      It hurts. Every minute of every day, it hurts. But this is the hand we were dealt and we do what we can. Believe it or not, people depend on us even though we feel like we are only 1/2 the person we were. Keep trying because people like me and others we don’t know about are trying too and we are not alone.

  2. Valerie

    My best friend, Dad.
    He is my rock, my spiritual giude, my acceptor, my moral measure, my provider, my unconditional love, my teacher, my person to go places with, my inspiration, my work ethic, my honest answer, my Santa Claus, my State Fair buddy, my Easter Sunrise service leader, my defender, my laughter, my warm fuzzy, my late night tv watcher, my let’s have some cake, my time to milk the cows, my walk me down the Isle, my let’s have a barn dance, my reader of character, my veteran fighting for me before I was born, my I will help with your puppies, my you can do it! I love him
    What happens when he is no longer here?
    I am afraid I will die with him.

  3. Jane

    I lost my best friend due to overain cancer. Lost her in 2001 and today is 2016 and I still can’t find any friends . I am so alone. I have tried to find new friends but it seem that no one wants to be friends.

  4. Wayne H Runions

    What a beautiful sad story. She always gave U all she had with your close, close, close friendship. There really isn’t a word that could possibly explain the kind of Luv U both had 4 eachother. God Bless U Hun, never give up, she never did. Hugs Wayne

  5. Francesca

    Aloha Anita,
    My best friend was my husband. We were together for 30 years, and he died on July 13, 2016. This week will be the anniversary of his passing. I,,too, miss his humor, (who else laughs at my jokes?), his wisdom, his touch, holding hands, walking on the beach. I also think he will just walk into the house one day.
    A psychic told me that he and I agreed that he would die first, and I would be alone. I am sure that I never agreed to that! Why would I? Until you are in this space, no one has any idea of what it is like. My single friends are sympathetic and loving, but they have not been here.
    I spend the last 30 years of my life as a couple. Now I have to learn all about being single. I had no idea that I was “high maintenance”.! It is so difficult to just take care of me. He did that for 30 years, and never complained I want my old life back! This new life sucks.

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