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Is it ok to talk about sex in your profile and other tips to market yourself on Stitch

is it ok to talk about sex in profile

The following guest post was written by Stitch member David from Newport Beach, California. David is a seasoned writer and frequent contributor to the Stitch Discussion Forums. He wrote this blog after a long member discussion about the quality of profiles when seeking companionship online.


is it ok to talk about sex in profileMany public profiles seem designed to win a popularity contest, but at Stitch this is not what you want to do.

Instead of appealing to the masses, your Stitch Profile should be written to appeal to just a few new friends — and perhaps to that one friend with whom you can build a life.

Think about it. Real-world dating is a time-consuming, laborious process: most dates we go on are not productive. Therefore, our Stitch Profile should be designed to eliminate (not attract) people with whom we are not going to click on a first or any other date. By doing this, we reduce our chances of wasting valuable time on unproductive meetings which go nowhere.

Your Stitch Profile is Not Indexed

Your Stitch Profile can only be seen by Registered Stitch Members and cannot be indexed by search engines. Therefore, you can afford to be honest in your Profile about who you really are and what you are specifically looking for in a friend or potential partner. The more honest you are with your Profile, the more likely you are to find someone who suits your genuine needs.

Being honest about ourselves is never easy: it takes courage to tell the truth. But the more truthful you are with your Profile — the more you reveal the real you — the greater your chance of finding a cyber-friend who can become a close companion when you meet.

Your “USP”

What makes one laundry detergent different from all others? Marketers devote considerable resources to developing a “USP” — a Unique Selling Point — designed to differentiate their own product or service from similar products and services in a crowded field.

What one thing sets you apart from every other single out playing the dating game? Is it your education? Your social conscience? Your religion? Whatever the one thing that makes you different may be — put that difference up front in your Profile.

Your Biggest Secret

is it ok to talk about sex in profileWe all have at least one big secret we normally keep to ourselves and only reveal to a potential partner when things get serious. Perhaps you suffer from periodic depressions. Maybe you are sexually adventurous…or not sexual at all. Perhaps you have given up on love and marriage. Or maybe your goal is to buy a boat and sail around the world.

Whatever your secret is, you’ll save time, money and heartache by revealing it in your Profile.

The New York Times recently published “13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married.” Did your family throw plates, calmly discuss issues, or silently shut down when disagreements arose? How people resolve conflict is one important indicator of partnership success.

Do you enjoy flirting, or are you open to a partner who flirts? This can be a make-or-break question in a marriage. Would your potential partner be upset if you took separate vacations? Or if you spent significant time each week with your same-gendered friends?

Whatever your special requirements may be, the sooner you reveal them the less time you’ll waste with people who aren’t really right for your way of life.

Questions to Ask Yourself

– Are you sloppy or are you neat?
– Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
– Are you sexually active or celibate?
– Are you a couch potato or a fitness nut?
– Are children a big part of your life?
– Are you liberal or conservative?
– Do you suffer a chronic illness?


What do you think? Will your results be better with David’s advice? Comment below, and if you’re a Stitch member, join the members-only discussion by clicking here.

16 Comments

  1. Patrick

    Some interesting thoughts and ideas here but the blog starts with an assertion that may not be the case for all here on Stitch. “Your Stitch Profile should be written to just appeal to a few new friends” makes the assumption that you have joined this site simply to try to find “that one friend with whom you can build a life”, whereas one of the great things about Stitch is the variety of options it gives you to also find new friends, find companionship or simply connect with interesting people. One of the great things about connecting with others is that it may introduce you to new ideas, new interests and new experiences, so depending on your reasons for joining Stitch, you may want to write a Profile that is more open-ended and which provides you with opportunities to simply connect with lots of different people. I have very much enjoyed sharing email discussions and messages with a range of interesting people, spread across the world and living very different lives to mine. Who knows where any of that may or may not lead but, for me, it is an enjoyable end in itself. There’s an old saying that, it’s not given to any of us to see ourselves as others see us and therefore to try to identify your USP may in fact be counter-productive as it could actually be that undefinable “chemistry” between two people that provides that connection. I suppose, for me, the best way to write a Profile is, apart from honesty, is to reflect why you’ve actually joined Stitch and if it is as a dating site to find that “one special person” then by all means be up front with that criteria to save ourself and others time and emotional energy. I do very much agree with you, David, that if you do have special requirements the sooner you reveal them the less time you’ll waste.

  2. Dot

    If you are looking for a partner then I can see the point in tailoring your profile to show what you are like and what you expect. In my brief dips into Internet dating I have always put on my profile that I have caring responsibilities for my grandchildren (daughter is now a single parent working full time) and that they are a big part of my life – I think it would be wrong to give the impression I can just up and run off on holidays etc (which a lot of men in my age group seem to want to do). I have had a couple of matches but none have been willing to share with my grandchildren so I did/do wonder why they bothered to reply to me! Nice to have friends to chat with too but I would love to find someone who could find room in their life/heart for my grandchildren as well as me as I really miss having a partner.

  3. Paula

    After a frustrating and demoralizing year on Match–3 dates, total–I realized this was a blessing. I had created a very honest profile, much as guest blogger David recommends. Reality is, there are precious few men who fit by me. I was spared a good deal of wasted time. I should be eternally grateful I am not blonde, huh? (joke)

    1. JOYCE

      I do understand the demoralizing of the Match.com. After a while, I just felt worthless.
      I was very honest too. But they all lied. Almost every one of them . I gave up. I made
      a choice to stay single and just enjoy my life. IT IS A MID SET. Good luck to you!

      Joy

      1. Marcie Rogo

        Hi Joyce, thanks for your comment! Stitch is MUCH different from Match. We don’t have any scammers, con artists, or even people under 50 on our site. Our members have to go through an identity check. We also have lots of ways to meet people, be it one-to-one or a group activity, or even travel. I hope you’ll give us a shot! People that comes to us from Match says we are a “breath of fresh air.”

    2. Jasmine

      You are right, right, right! What’s the deal about 81 year old men (who describe themselves as “younger than their age”) seeking slender or curvy 50-65 year old ladies? Did ALL of them break their mirrors?

  4. Les

    David,

    Thanks for writing an interesting guest blog. It definitely gives me something to think about.

    Patrick,

    Now that Stitch has provided the ability to provide separate fields to define what you are looking for in both non-romantic and romantic companions, you have the ability to provide write a different description targeted to what you are looking for in each type of companion.

    Les

  5. Carole

    Well written Patrick. I think you have a great understanding of the situation, and definitely that “undefinable chemistry” provides the connection in any relationship, be it a friend or lover.

  6. Sharon

    I agree, whats the point of lying?
    That said,not everything could or should be laid on the table first thing.
    I like the idea of being more open and relaxed about it finding friends all over the world. Interesting.
    For me it takes the pressure off.

  7. Deborah

    Thank you Patrick and David. I enjoyed reading both comments! It may push me to complete a profile. I’d love to be involved in group discussions and read interesting blogs from around the world.

  8. Adria

    I agree that a profile shouldn’t try to be all inclusive. You’re trying to find a match so the more specific you are, the better I think your responses will be. But only the writer of their own profile can judge what feels comfortable to reveal up-front or not. I think people should honestly describe themselves and who they’re hoping to find though some things are better said in person or don’t need to be revealed until two people have established a relationship. When we trust someone, we reveal. And a profile is just a sketch and an introduction. So whether people should or shouldn’t discuss sex on their profile depends on who they hope to attract or turn away. Some things are better said up-front so as not to waste anyone’s time or energy, e.g. someone searching for love and companionship will not respond to a profile request seeking casual sex and vice versa. Personally speaking, as adults, I assume we’re all sexual beings so I don’t think there’s a particular need to specify. It’s part of a relationship.

  9. Edie

    I’m leaving a comment just to see if I am allowed. So far, the other areas I’ve looked at (community discussions, events and travel) have not allowed me to comment, ask a question, get more info, etc., without becoming a paid member. I did take the time to do all that was necessary to become “verified” but seems that being verified doesn’t go far on Stitch – am I missing something important?
    I do want to thank David for writing the article – interesting and informative, even if I don’t totally agree.

    1. Marcie Rogo

      Hi Edie, so sorry for the misunderstanding! We want you to be able to see what’s going on on Stitch, but engaging with our community requires a modest membership fee of either $15/month or $80/year. You can purchase a membership at any time by going to”My Account” and ” Membership and Billing.” This is our public blog, while the discussions on Stitch have privacy.

  10. Steve Gabor

    I’m older than 50 and my best lovers long and short term, former marriage were younger than 50. Sometimes 10 to 20 years and we were equals. What’s missing in this site is the lack of women under 50 and until then, I won’t be joining. I also would like to speak to Marcie Rogo as a VC investor.

    1. Dianna

      Then join one of the other dating sites that accept younger members. Simple, eally.

  11. Dianna

    really

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