Debbie and Trevor are members from Brisbane who joined Stitch to expand their social circles and accidentally found love. They share their story of friendship, a proposal that felt like a heart attack, and the wonderfully full lives they each have due to Stitch.
Trevor describes himself as a man who used to find a corner and watch everyone else from a safe distance. These days, he turns up to Stitch events dressed as Santa Claus — bright floral suit, red sandshoes, dyed beard and all — with friends who absolutely adore him.
Something changed. It began with one nervous decision to walk into a room full of strangers.
Two people, starting over
When Debbie came out of a long-term relationship, she realised the only people she really knew were the ones she worked with.
When Trevor came out of his, he found himself facing the same quiet question so many reach at this stage of life.
“What am I going to do now?” he remembers thinking. “I can’t sit around on my own all weekend.”
Neither of them was looking for romance. They simply didn’t want to spend their weekends alone. So, separately and a little hesitantly, they each gave Stitch a try.
The first step is the hardest
Trevor remembers the nervousness before that first event.
“You’ve got to go out and put yourself in front of people you don’t know,” he says. “Oh, the trepidation!”
But the little group he found in Brisbane’s western suburbs was so welcoming that the nerves melted away faster than he expected. It left such a mark that he and Debbie now make a point of doing the same for every new face.
“Whenever we see new people, we bring them in,” Debbie says. “We sit them down, introduce them, show them around.” They both understand the importance of being welcomed and put at ease after taking the big leap of attending your first event.
A wider, warmer world
Neither of them anticipated how much their lives would open up. There were dinners and lunches and walks, conversations into the small hours, and dozens of fascinating people whose stories they loved to collect.
Far from being the wallflower he had grown accustomed to being, Trev notes “There’s a certain confidence that comes from being accepted,”
“When you’re being yourself, and being accepted, there’s no reason not to be confident.”
Acceptance, they agree, might be the key word in Stitch. It’s also why so many members — women especially — say they feel really safe at Stitch.
And then, each other
The romance crept up on them quietly. Debbie and Trevor had connected on Stitch about their shared interests — music and books — before they ever met. When they finally sat down to dinner, they talked into the small hours and simply never stopped.
Even as a couple, they make a point of mixing with everyone at events rather than clinging to each other. They’d happily come in holding hands, but for them, Stitch is for friendship, and they wanted to keep it that way.
The proposal that felt like a heart attack
By their third anniversary, Trevor had a plan. He’d booked dinner after a show, and slipped the ring into the inside pocket of a jacket he almost never wears.
“She’s looking at me as we’re getting ready, going, what are you wearing a jacket for?” he laughs.
Then the show ran late, and the restaurant rang to say they were closing the kitchen. Debbie suggested they just grab some KFC on the way home. Trevor — ring burning a hole in his pocket — wouldn’t hear of it. They found a little Thai restaurant instead, sat down, and ordered.
Near the end of the meal, they were discussing travel, and the next big three-month trip they had planned to Europe.
Trevor said “Why don’t we up the ante a little bit?”
He started digging into his jacket pocket, looking for the ring, but his hand got stuck. He was trapped, panicking, his hand writhing and flailing in his jacket pocket just above his chest.
Debbie was alarmed.
“She’s going, are you all right? Are you having a heart attack?” he says, laughing.
He wasn’t. He pulled out the ring.
“I nearly fell off my chair,” Debbie says. They’d both thought they wouldn’t marry again, but the romance made it all the lovelier.
They married this year at a joyful, relaxed, music-filled celebration surrounded by friends and family.
Debbie’s sister officiated the wedding. As a surprise at the end of the ceremony, she secretly organized all the guests and the band to burst into a rendition of the Beatles classic ‘All You Need Is Love’. The song perfectly captured with the couple’s joy, and Deb and Trev were completely blown away.
Worth the nerves
Ask them what’s kept them in Stitch, and the answer isn’t really about the two of them.
“We’d recommend it to anyone,” Debbie says. “We want to remain members because of that connection with people. I can’t see us ever giving it up.”
Their story didn’t start with a grand plan. It started with two nervous people who simply didn’t want to be alone, and decided to take a chance.
If you’ve been telling yourself you’d never be the type to walk into a room of strangers — remember that everyone in that room once felt exactly the same. Trevor, the man in the corner, became the man in the Santa suit, with a wife, a wide circle of friends, and a life full of laughter.
The first step is always the hardest. It’s also, so often, the one worth taking.
Come along and find out what’s on near you.
